Finally had an epiphany

Some feminist told me to get off the internet because someone is gonna end up killed, and they're probably right. Me. I've already been in the ER, and aside from getting gallbladder removed they talked to me about my protein S deficiency. Basically means I'm at a higher risk than normal of clotting, and I've already had a stroke. The next one will kill me. I almost slept through the last one anyway.

Anyway, aside from taking the aspirin before I go to sleep when I remember (which isn't every day), there are other things I'm noticing from my body. I won't go into detail, but it occurred to me because it was kind of a problem in my last relationship, but nowhere near as extreme as it has been since that relationship ended. Now I know what's going on, and it's cause I'm making connections I criticized people for making after a ton of research while in college. Even got an A on that speech for public speaking. That professor sucked too, and a lot of people hated her.

Anyway, I really do need to go back to using this stuff strictly for promoting my company. That's going well enough. Could be better probably, but not really in a position to test it yet either. I couldn't really care less either way though. Bunch of banks gave me credit cards, the fed gave me a student loan, and another bank gave me a loan on my car. I've done what I can to make the debt reasonable, but it's their loss if I decide to solve all my problems at once too. All I've got is a rescue cat and it'll likely always stay that way.

I don't like talking to people, at all. It's why I can't keep a job. My general anxiety is so high it makes me anti social and people at work hate that shit. So I haven't been able to keep a job more than a few months. in fact, this project I've been on working on, on my own is probably the most work I've done consistently since college. Probably entirely because I'm the only person I answer to, and talking to myself is weird. The lack of talking is due to PTSD.

Means I probably won't date again either unless I really knock my project out of the park and find some hot druggie before the drugs have ruined her teeth and skin. That's okay though, that's what free porn is for. Way better than being with some woman who thinks they're gonna fix me like I'm a rescue animal. Way less listening to bullshit and talking about my feelings or shit that'll just confuse them anyway. When I had a good job I went through a lot of therapy and got nowhere. I know how to cope but got next to nowhere and I've been basically self harming myself since I got into therapy years ago anyway. Just resulted in a gallbladder being removed in an emergency surgery instead of the typical self harm marks.

So thank you randumb feminist. You're very regarded, but you're also right. I need to get off the internet except for when i'm marketing and isolate myself even further from people. Whether it's my right rotator cuff that can get so bad I can barely lift a pillow depending on the angle I'm trying to use my arm, some other pain that's been around for a few weeks but I didn't realize what caused it until last night, and my gallbladder I really do need to isolate before I give people the premature death they're all after.

We can't have that. At least one bully from middle & high school died during Covid. I gotta outlive the rest if possible so I can piss on their graves, and that won't be possible with the way things are going for me. I gotta lock in and isolate myself before people and especially feminists drive me to suicide.

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anonymous Other April 16, 2026 at 7:11 am 0 0